ASP Badass Diary from Hell

After much deliberation, the contest is over and the winners have been notified! Much appreciation for everyone’s participation in this contest. We’ve heard back from all of the winners and will be publishing their entries at the beginning of next week! Thanks again for all of the wonderful entries!

***

Listen up everyone! Tired of showing your appreciation for ASP by staring at the screen so long that our comics become burned into the back of your eyeballs? We’ve got good news for you! We are officially kick starting our Amazing Super Contest: Anniversary Edition. With it, we are giving you the opportunity to show off your talents and make us look like a steaming pile of fish eggs. In retrospect, that’s not exactly very good for us, but we’re too committed to turn back!

Here’s how to enter:

1. Pick your favorite AmazingSuperPowers comic strip.
2. Recreate it through any medium of your choice. It could be a video, short story, long story, song, poem, series of photographs, single-sentence summary, animation, cave painting, sculpture, or anything else you want. Hell, you could even redraw the damn thing.
3. Send us an e-mail at contest (at) amazingsuperpowers (dot) com. In the e-mail you can attach your entry or include a link to someplace where we can see/hear/taste/have-a-wank-to it.
4. Win! (Maybe.)

The deadline for entries is on October 12, 2008 at the end of the day.

Here are the prizes:

• First Place: All three shirts from our store and an original ASP drawing of your choice.
• Second Place: Six silver bullets.
• Third Place: Blackmail against Wes and Tony. You will receive a manila envelope full of secrets.

A few little details:

• Please include your name in the entry and use an e-mail address that you check often, otherwise we can’t tell you that you’ve won.
• We’ll be posting the winners and other favorites on the site. By entering you forfeit your right to be totally lame and sue us for what we do with your entry, or if you hurt yourself with our awesome prizes.
• If you have a question about the contest, ask it in the comments below. All entries, however, need to be e-mailed to us.
• Please don’t do anything illegal. Ever.
• As many entries per person as you want (but keep in mind we are judging on quality, not quantity), and go ahead and team up with other people if you want.
• Entries will be judged by Wes and Tony, and it will be totally subjective. Winners will be selected on the merits of how much we like it.
• Yes, this contest is for real. Get to work!

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

One year ago, a little webcomic called AmazingSuperPowers was squeezed into this world, screaming and wailing, an unholy monster conceived by the violent skull-collisions of Tony and Wes. In order to celebrate this one-year anniversary, we’ve crafted a few decorations for your computer so you can infect your screen with our slimy charm. You’ll find a precious little bundle of desktop wallpapers at the bottom of this post.

Meanwhile, we are currently working on a few new shirts, and until then be sure to check out the shirts currently on sale in our store. It’s that kind of support that keeps this site rolling and the good times flowing. It also keeps everyone from seeing your oddly-shaped nipples.

Be sure to check back here on Monday. To commemorate this anniversary even more, we’ll be kick-starting our AmazingSuperContest #2, which will be wicked and awesome and wicked awesome.

The wallpapers!

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

In order to generate a little more revenue around here, well be implementing minor product placement. Don’t worry, these will hardly be noticeable. To guarantee that we rake in as much cash from this endeavor as possible, we will be retroactively making these changes to our archive of comics. We are still waiting to be approached by advertisers, but here’s a sample of the appealing and tasteful venues for your company’s products!

Today’s comic makes me smile. After all, isn’t that what amusement parks are supposed to do? I wouldn’t be suprised if RazzleWorld or whatever the Hell we decide to call the park shows up again, considering the seemingly endless supply of people, robots, and blatant commercialism that loves to lurk around theme parks. Because of all the fun to be had, we had a few extra alt-texts lying around:

“ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE MAKE BELIEVE”

Sad employees grow on trees.

Good thing that she got the head back on before her son realized A) that Razzlebear isn’t real, and B) that his father was a theme park employee.

There is still a skeleton with a red hat and a fake white beard in their chimney.

“Razzlebear can fly just like daddy!”

“MY MAGIC KINGDOM AWAITS ME IN THE AFTERLIFE”

The boy finds this strangely reminiscent of that “Daddy-Pinata” mom gave him on his birthday.

Two Weeks Later: “Wow! Razzlebear and those birds are best friends!”

The third life claimed by the controversial Noose-Ride at Razzleworld

“Onward to the next adventure!”

Google Chat has the incriminating feature of saving transcripts of every conversation that you’ve had through their service. Below are some highlights from the extensive conversations Tony and I have had instead of producing content for the site.

***

Wes: pretty sexy
Tony: what’s more sexy is that the 21st most popular search query that directs people to our site is “eel ladies”
Wes: woooooooow

***

Wes: i’m writing a quiz for my class
and i need to make 8 points come out of nowhere
Tony: “Check box for 8 points”
Wes: hahahaaa
Tony: or “Student, what is best in life?”
Wes: “To crush your enemies! to see them driven before you! And to hear the lamentation of the vimen.”
“No…”
“it was ‘Pottery.’”
“‘Pottery.’”

***

Tony:
have you noticed that our comic seems to be very popular with the (german) body building community?
Wes: i noticed that
i was looking through the site stats in lab
and suddenly the screen filled with muscled germans at a variety of genders
Tony:

***

In reference to our FAQ:
Wes: i had to put a filter on my spam folder to automatically not screen out emails that say “penis enlargement”
Tony: hahahah
do you get real ones?
Wes: strangely, no
just the fans offer it
Tony: dang
our penises will be small foreveeeeer.

***

Wes: i tried to think of comic ideas during the hike
then i started thinking of comics that would be just cruel to you because of the drawing difficulty
like 200 chipmunks carrying off the mona lisa
Tony: WHERE’S THE PUNCHLINE
Wes: that your hand hurts

***

Wes: oh cool
do you have a broom you don’t use?
Tony: i use all of my brooms
Wes: you suck
Tony: quite frequently
Wes: alright see you soon
Tony: i’m not sure i even have a broom

***

Tony: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Wes: that’s a lot of butts

***

Tony: i can hear wicked game by chris isaak through a wall
i am the only one here
and it’s spooky
i don’t know where it’s coming from
Wes: that’s terrifying
Tony: it’s quite loud
for something not coming from inside my building


8 minutes
Tony: the good news is that it seems to be on repeat.
Wes: o thank god

***

Wes: booger
Tony: hahahhaha

***