Carry Onon May 22, 2014 at 6:00 am
I just finished with four trips (and fourteen planes) in the course of a month and a half, and let me tell you: flying is the worst.
I don’t care if it’s a miracle. I don’t care if elements of flight defy scientific explanation. What I care about is that I’m a human being (and six and a half feet of one!!!!!!!!! <- exclamation marks!!) and I wish to be treated as such! If I am going to continue to travel by air, I have a list of REASONABLE demands which must be met. Listen up, airline industry! Number one! No more seats! They only cause problems: being too cramped, bumping against your knees, getting in the way of the bathroom. Throw 'em seats in a garbage heap! Number two! No more landing! If we all just learned to stop, drop n' rock-n-roll we'd get everywhere quicker. Hobos used to do this all the time while riding the rails, and I have a job, so I am at least twice as good as a hobo! Number three! No more pilots! Smug pricks. I'd rather let fate guide my wings than ride with one of you! I'd rather DIE, letting my plane crash into a airport FULL OF PLANES than ride with one of you! And that's it! I think we can all agree it's pretty doable, and something that literally everyone else on the planet wants! Hop to it or DIE, airline industry! T
How the hell did he get all of those lotions past TSA? They are way more than 3.4oz.
He bought it at the duty free shop.
Is this why all character’s legs’ are so far apart?
One might recommend this bored dude to learn how to be alone with himself, but that he has apparently mastered already.
Strap-on, carry-on, what’s the difference?
oh boy! the plane crashes and YOU, not that guy, swims to shore on a desert island saving only that bag.centuries later alien archaeologists find your body surrounded by phallic objects and conclude that all humans worshiped the almighty penis in the sky, thanks YOU.
I have one more request to add to your list, if you don’t mind.
No more pervy security guards that always find some reason to grope my beautiful body just because I happen to carry a few guns, scanners that shoot atoms at me doing who knows what to my own atoms, and airline marshals that get all “up in your grill” the moment you try to grill a few hamburgers on your mobile grillmaster 2000 (I REFUSE TO EAT THEIR CRAPPY FOOD)!
Is that the kid from Guts?