Hockey’s pretty violent. It’s not quite as violent as war, or the systematic extermination of a race of people, but it’s still pretty violent.

It’s so violent, in fact, that I hereby nominate hockey as a replacement for war! International border disputes? Settle it on the rink! Looking to instigate a terror attack? Drop a puck outside a government building and challenge those bureaucrats to a pickup game! This would be a proactive and fun way to violently impose your will on others. And the people who’d be the best at viciously domineering the path of history? The Canadians! Everyone wins.