You know what’s hilarious? Online reviews for restaurants. For some reason we give them a ton of weight, but reading them makes you lose all respect for the reviewer. They’ll always start with something like, “The crisp summer air had awakened our senses, and we were treated to a cornucopia of olfactory delights upon crossing their threshold.” We get it! Sometimes it takes two paragraphs to even reach their table.

That’s probably why they’ve implemented ratings for restaurant reviews. But maybe we need to go DEEPER and open up REVIEWS for the reviews: “The reviewer took me on a spellbinding journey with their treatise on the true nature of the Happy Hour Fish Tacos, but the overall narrative suffered during the third act’s paltry description of the restroom hand soap.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to read up on the McDonald’s across the street.