Can we all stop pretending that talking about the weather is boring or a “bad” conversation topic? Weather happens one of the prime external forces that affects us every single day of our lives, so maybe we should pay it just a tiny bit of credence. Like, perhaps it should be socially acceptable to mention to my loved ones that today the summer heat is pummeling down with the strength of a two-ton, loincloth wearing imbecile who’s wielding a club made of lead bricks.

And that this savage, murderous weather-beast is out to kill us all. Anyone who doesn’t cower in the shadows behind their AC unit is willingly volunteering themselves for extermination.

Maybe people don’t like talking about the weather because they’re afraid to speak its name, as if it were Voldemort. I wish the weather WERE Voldemort, so I could blast the shit out of him with a Potter-approved Ghostbusters wand-beam. It’s hot. Very, very hot.