Crisis scenario!!!!
on November 17, 2008 at 1:20 pmSo Los Angeles is burning down all around me, and I had to dig my car out from under and inch of ash this morning to drive to work. OOPS.
But it got me thinking “that” thought. You know the one I’m talking about, where you play out a crisis scenario in your head (for most of you it is probably the impending/anticipated zombie invasion), and try and decide what you’d bring and where you’d go.
So far the only thing I have on my list to bring is my glasses. Normally I wear contact lenses to take care of my intensely blurry bat-vision, (Gasp! A webcomicker with glasses, it can’t be true!) but I am certain I could not survive ten minutes in the wild without my glasses.
So help me out folks. When LA burns down and I have to flee, where should I go and what should I bring? What location is a nice refuge for a soot covered dude in thick glasses? What condiments should I bring to go with my crisis hot dogs? What would you do yourself?
salt… it has many purposes, preserves things, kills mutant and non mutant slugs… kills the soil of your enemies… can be used as a weapon and good luck… well that and ketchup.. almost everything tastes better when hit with ketchup…
I’d suggest one of those isolationist states till you sort things out, like Nmexico or wyoming… or south dakota… all the crazies are locked up in bunkers/houses…
in all honesty though, thank you for the comic, it saves my sanity at work, and I hope all works out for you, I could not imagine dealing with the likes of those fires, then again NJ could use a good burn cleansing, all the grease burns rather fast too.
My college buddies and I would go out in to the woods a few miles away from our campus on the weekends to fish and hike. We found this restuarant and for whatever reason we decided if there was ever an apocalyptic event and we had to meet somewhere to rebuild society that this restaurant would be it.
http://www.oregonlive.com/dining/index.ssf/et-venue/16457/colemans-9n-restaurant
It’s located on a creek and next to a lake so we have water and it’s far enough from any major city to hopefully survive anything. You’re welcome to join us
I got to thinking about this while playing Fallout 3 recently, so pardon me if I geek out on you for a moment.
My recipe is simple: Shotgun Shells, Gasoline and Canned Goods.
I plan to get pretty heavily armed and stay in the suburbs.
The inner cities will be an ambush trap of zombies and you’ll be quickly outnumbered. The roads will be clogged with defunct automobiles, making anything but foot traffic difficult. The wilderness will be too remote for scavenging so you’ll have to live off the land, depleting your gasoline and ammunition stocks to hunt game or risk contamination foraging for vegetables. Eventually, out of ammo, you’ll be forced back into a city you’re no longer familiar with to re-supply and that’s not cool.
In suburbia I can pretty easily re-supply from local shopping centers, yet the roads should still be fairly passable and I should be able to see a zombie a decent ways off and take appropriate measures to avoid an ambush.
All in all, the key to survival is similar to any other disaster situation – stay focused on what you need to accomplish, don’t panic and keep making progress toward whatever goal you’re working on, like securing fresh water, non-irradiated food, gasoline, etc. You could put this plan to work with zombies, nuclear war, foreign invasion or whatever you like.
Love the comic.
these are all good ideas, i’ve been fooling you guys into doing all the hard work for me.
go to temecula,california. it’s in the valley safe from fires and nice hotels. how do i know? i live there. my friend showed me this site and it’s hilarious.
for zombies, get the zombie survival guide and a machette. use a bike to travel and stay away from highly populated places. stay in small groups of 2-4. if you choose to be in a group.
Duct tape phone books around your body and carry around a machete.
I mean that as a general rule, apocalypse or otherwise.
THIS HERBAL SUPPLEMENT WITH ‘RAISE THE DEAD’ WITH ERECTIONS LAST FOR WEEKS. YOU’RE TREMENDOUS MEMBER ONLY BE KILLED WITH A BLOW TO THE HEAD
SEE MY LINKS FOR CHEAP PILLZ ! !
spambot, for once i agree with you on the matter. it’s important to keep your head high during troubled times.
Come to Michigan. We have lots of fresh water there are plenty of stores you could ransack and get weapons and ammunition.
And before the apocalypse, you can go to downtown Detroit and get a taste for what it will be like when the world ends, laws are abandon, and mob rules.
Much as with hurricanes in Florida, always keep stocks of those three things one cannot get when the crap hits the fan:
1) liquor
2) ammunition
3) fuel
Of course, if you’re so intensely foolish as to not have a gun already, well boy o boy.. However, those above primaries are stipulating that you’re saying static, instead of on the move.
But hard-core survivalists would have a field day with this, saying you should already have a 72hour pack at the ready at any time, an all-terrain vehicle of some kind (4-wheeler, jeep, dirtbike, what have you). Then your next worry is a clean water source and a compact, non-perishable food supply. Oh yeah: a hat is good; like a good hat, not a goddamned baseballcap.
Also a good knife (good twin-edge fighting blade as well as utility or folding blade – IMO you can never go wrong with a nice Gerber); handgun (can’t go wrong with polymer spec-ops type gun like the ol’ H&K USP; but in any case eschew the 9mm, which is only good for shooting targets – stick with .40 or .45 ACP); shotgun (it doesn’t *have* to be a pump, despite the common fashion); field rifle (personally like the Springfield M1A socom16).
Clothing and shelter; i.e. good coat, boots, decent tent; first aid basics (iodine is a must – not only to counter sepsis but sterilize drinking water as well, few drops per gallon, though it does make it taste funny).
That’s all that comes to mind at the moment, except probably the most important and final item: good reliable friends and family, preferably ones who aren’t lilly-livered and don’t have their heads up their asses.
Recommended reading, just for starters:
SAS Survival Handbook
http://tinyurl.com/5lodxc
SAS Urban Survival Handbook
http://tinyurl.com/5sjhas
USMC and Army field manuals are excellent sources of info.
And I’d strongly suggest a good book on knots.
Survive, bitches!
I wouldn’t mind hearing more about the hat.
Booyah.
http://tinyurl.com/6s3kg2
16 Rubberbands
42 Paper Clips (large not small, size matters regardless of what anyone tells you)
4 Straws (not bendy/crazy straws, they’re vastly inferior to straight straws)
8 Tins of canned peaches
10 Cans of Bush’s baked beans (can’t have enough)
1 Solar Watch
1 German Shephard puppy (to combat loneliness)
And a DVD Box Set of McGyver (in order to know how to use rubberbands, paperclips and straws in order to make use of the rest of your survival kit
good luck
oh man, yeah. do that.
You need a place to go Come to Canada we may have snow but weeds not illegal. and you gotta take a chainsaw it will take down anything in your way!
I will head to the Winchester Pub with all my closest friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone but me will die.
i’d say some way of distiling salt water, a katana, maybe a gun, if possible, like anyone who played half life 2 would do, get an engine block and gas, and mount saw blades to the turbine, with on on-off switch. you hit the switch, engine starts,you hide under blades, zombies attack, blades cut them in half. also, bring a woman to have hot, hot, repopulate-the-earth sex with.
go to hawaii. its got a relativly low population so less zombies, you can get the upper ground easily, there is rocks that a zombie couldn’t easily manuever, its f***ing amazing awsomeness, etc. also i don’t think zombies can swim, so just stay in the shallows if you need to escape.
ohh, and a hatchet. anyone who read hatchet will say a hatchet is a good idea cos its all cool
stay in LA and just start killing zombies, if anything you’ll feel better about it being the end of the world once you kill everyone that you hate
wait are we talking about the retarded slow moving zombies or the crazy fast run at you even if they have no arms type?
2 gallons of water (at very least)
1 knife (also good to have a spare)
1 knife sharpener
3 family sized bags of doritos
1 shotgun (breach-loaders are not prefered)
1 ax/hatchet
3 ounces of marijuana (dry)
20 shells (at very least)
10 gallons of high-proof alcohol (it says something about you when you allot more space to alcohol than water)
1 hot female (at very least)
food for a week
sufficient clothing for a week, maybe even that tux youve been meaning to resurect
10 ounces tobacco (optional)
1 dog (great protection, eases tension, and as an emergency food source*)
nails and basic tools (hammer, wrench, screwdriver)
porn
rope
molotovs
Assuming that this is indeed a zombie outbreak as everyone thinks it is but which is explicitly stated, I would get your ass outta LA and go find a house in the country. Settle in there, barricade the house, and wait.
*as far as the dog for a food source, I wouldnt recommend it…the hot chick might frown upon it =\
That’s a write up Whitney! Remind me to contact you if there’s ever an outbreak! I’m just stocking up for the financial crisit breakout, which seems more likely than a Zombie outbreak at the moment.
i would go behind the nearest waterfall and bring lots of drugs. just imagine taking loads of acid AND fighting zombies!