Today’s comic was unintentionally harrowing. Sure, we’ve done (multiple) comics where children encounter tentacled monsters and people battle bears with robot-parts, but that doesn’t come close to the horror that is the candiru. I’m trying to think of members species of the animal kingdom that are more terrifying, but nothing really is as … unsettling. I guess it could be worse. The fish could be programmed to explode when it finds itself trapped, but I haven’t read anything on that. Maybe you have. I defy you to browse Wikipedia and find another animal that elicits the same squirm as the dickfish.
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The Unfortunate Case of the Dickfish
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December 4th, 2008
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With Friends Like These, Who Needs Zombies
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December 3rd, 2008
While playing the game Left 4 Dead the other night for a couple hours, I learned a lot about the people whom I used to call my “friends.” In case you are unfamiliar, Left 4 Dead is an online cooperative zombie-survival game, albeit most of these “friends” I speak of view the “cooperative” element as optional. Here are a few things that I’ve learned about these people whom I used to trust:
- One of my friends solves all of his problems by throwing Molotov cocktails at them, including “Oh no, there is a zombie in this very small room with us,” and “Hey, I can’t get this door open.”
- Once you make it to the rescue boat, it is perfectly acceptable to burn the dock to the ground. However, if your teammates aren’t on the boat with you, apparently the appropriate response is to burn the dock to the ground and then laugh.
- The number of times your friends call you an idiot is directly proportional to the number of times you say, “Watch my six.”
- If bored, your friends will hurl themselves off of the edges of buildings just to get attention.
- Some of your friends will shoot you at point-blank range right after helping you up just to make the point that “they can giveth, and they can also taketh away.”
- When you are the only female character in the group, all of the male characters seem suspiciously quick to give you pills.
- The phrase, “holy shit, guys, there are zombies in here,” gets a laugh only the first and twentieth time it is used.
- Don’t walk in front of armed friends who are easily bored.
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Universal Truth #1
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November 25th, 2008
There are fires, blackouts, economic collapses, and everything was once better than it is now, but tacos are forever.
Y/N ?
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Dreams that Tear Open Your Soul
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November 25th, 2008
The other night someone must have injected some testosterone into my late-night Apple Jacks because I had one of the most intense dreams of my life. And now you are all going to hear about it.
Typically, my dreams are fairly action-packed, but my first year of medical school has filled a lot of my brain-space with paranoia for exams, which I think leaked into the “awesome” lobe of my brain.
The dream: Having finished Gross Anatomy, we moved on to the next course: “Disease Treatment.” Only in this case, we treated diseases by tearing open and climbing into the very fabric of our patients’ souls, which I can only assume was some seriously dark magic.
Having torn a hole in the space-time-spirituality continuum, we reluctantly plummeted into their inner psyche where we battled physical manifestations of their ailments using chainsaws, shotguns, and crossbows. It was terrifying. It was like Osmosis Jones if Rob Zombie did the art direction.
At one point in the dream I was set to battle Hepatitis B, which presented itself startlingly similarly to the queen in Aliens (Copyright apparently doesn’t extend to the subconscious. Yet.) Anyway, I had to battle this thing in a dark cavern with a chainsaw. They wouldn’t let me out until I finished the “treatment.” So I went up against the slimy thing, screaming the entire time out of terror, which foreshadows what my surgical career is probably going to be like.
The dream concluded with a final exam, which began with us firing a handgun at a target and concluded with us having to cross the firing range alive. In retrospect, that’s not too different from the actual process.
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Crisis scenario!!!!
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November 17th, 2008
So Los Angeles is burning down all around me, and I had to dig my car out from under and inch of ash this morning to drive to work. OOPS.
But it got me thinking “that” thought. You know the one I’m talking about, where you play out a crisis scenario in your head (for most of you it is probably the impending/anticipated zombie invasion), and try and decide what you’d bring and where you’d go.
So far the only thing I have on my list to bring is my glasses. Normally I wear contact lenses to take care of my intensely blurry bat-vision, (Gasp! A webcomicker with glasses, it can’t be true!) but I am certain I could not survive ten minutes in the wild without my glasses.
So help me out folks. When LA burns down and I have to flee, where should I go and what should I bring? What location is a nice refuge for a soot covered dude in thick glasses? What condiments should I bring to go with my crisis hot dogs? What would you do yourself?