I’ve heard people say that the first person to live to be 150 is alive today. I wonder who it is? Could it be YOU?? Nope, it’s probably not you or me, it’s probably somebody who has never been irradiated by a computer screen for hours at a time or had their phone shoot electronic signals through their brains and crotches all day. It’s likely someone living on a mountain, farming vegetables and filling their days with honest work and relaxing time with loved ones. Psh! What a boring 150 years!!

The oldest person ever lived to be 122. I don’t know how it feels to be alive for that long, but it must begin to blur together by the last few decades. “Sure, I’m 150, but I don’t feel a day over 125!”

Though what’s more likely is that by that time we’ll be able to upload our brains to the cloud instead of dying and we’ll all get jobs as a spam filters on bodybuilding forums. And I can’t wait.