Spinach has popularly been labeled a “superfood.” Kale, broccoli, blueberries. All superfoods. Say it aloud, “superfood.” Do you understand what this means for the social hierarchy of the food kingdom? It means there’s a three tiered system. It means there’s now a ruling class sitting in high and mighty towers, looking down on the middle class of spaghetti and bratwust, and beneath them the various proll junk foods toiling in the muck.

Well, watch the throne, superfoods. The power lies with the people, and you are outnumbered a hundred to one by simple, hardworking, good tasting foods like mashed potatoes, pizza, and pizza with mashed potatoes on top that has gravy instead of sauce, and a second layer of cheese on top, that is then deep-fried in pizza-fed pork fat. You hear me, superfoods? The guillotine hangs above your head already. A guillotine called “The Future,” and it’s coming at you fast.


(edit: due to popular demand, I will be making a video recipe for Pizza With Mashed Potatoes on Top that Has Gravy Instead of Sauce, a Second Layer of Cheese on Top, that is then Deep-Fried in Pizza-Fed Pork Fat just as soon as I finish raising my pizza-fed pig James Earl Junior, Jr. to slaughtering size!)