Remember when Arnold hid from Predator by just rubbing a bunch of mud on himself? How fricking stupid is that! Ok, so maybe he was able to beat the Predator, but now he has MUD ALL OVER HIMSELF. I mean, ick! Skin me, scalp me, hang me from a pole, just don’t put MUD on me. Do you know what mud is? It’s DIRT. Yeah, the stuff that the word “DIRTY” is named after! That means, by definition, it must be the dirtiest stuff on the planet! Dirt that’s been mixed with water, to make it move over your body faster. That’s revolting, Arnold. You don’t win by becoming worse than the monster. If you were a REAL man (like ME) you’d live inside a head-to-toe latex body condom that has been pumped full of hand sanitizer.

I sleep in a bath of rubbing alcohol. I think I may die in two or three years, but I will die CLEAN.