Hover Text

Arson doesn't pay very well but the work is rewarding.

There are lots of great ways to meet new people. The trick is to find people who enjoy the same common interests and activities! For example, if you enjoy running, roam around your local park until you see a fellow jogger who strikes your fancy. Join them! But don’t come on too strong; it’s best to stay about 6 feet behind them. If they speed up, it’s very likely them testing your running abilities. And to demonstrate your stamina, be sure to follow them all the way home and wait outside until the next time they go for a run (i.e. your “second date”).

And that’s just one example! Here are some other quick tips to find your soulmate in no time:

If you like going on road trips, wait at a stop sign until you see someone cute driving alone. Right when they stop, try the handle on the passenger side door. If it’s unlocked, it was Meant To Be and now you both have a new road trip buddy!

If you love cooking, look around for someone eating. Sit down and begin eating from their plate. You now have something in common to talk about! Make a big deal about how much you enjoy it to compliment their taste, but be sure not to eat more than half. You don’t want to show off.

If a potential love interest starts screaming and hitting you, they probably enjoy martial arts! Channel your inner Van Damme and take them out. When they regain consciousness you’ll already be picking flower arrangements for your wedding.

-wes