Mission To Marson March 23, 2015 at 6:00 am
Everyone is hustling to be the first human beings on a mission to Mars, and no one even cares if they die along the way. In fact, dying along the way is BETTER. You are basically guaranteed to become a legend since you’ll never have to return to earth where you’ll probably ruin your legacy by running over an orphan or saying something racist in public.
We all want to live forever in our own little way. The most tried-and-true method is to crank out a couple kids so that a little chunk of your DNA will continue throughout the ages. “I may die, but this basic nose shape is FOREVER.”
Option two is to do something so incredible that you’re alive in the cultural zeitgeist forever. Take Isaac Newton. He got in there early and now his name is associated with GRAVITY. And more recently Mr. Walt Disney drew a little cartoon mouse that’s about as well known as gravity.
So those are your options for immortality: fame or reproduction. And if you manage to be famous for reproducing, then you’re a GENIUS like the Octomom.
The problem is that: the way things are going, if the mission leaves Earth it will go down like Jamestown.
There is a third option! I plan on devoting my life on the Quest to find the real fountain of youth, while forming my own harem! That way, if I don’t find it, I will still live on in the legends as the person who foolishly devoted his life to find the Mythological Fountain of Youth while leaving bastard children all over the world!
Another option is to hit an incoming comet so hard it breaks into a million pieces so that everyone on earth gets to curse your name just before all the pieces destroy every continent on earth. Being in the cultural zeitgeist “forever” would actually be a very limited time “forever” but then, who wants to be immortal “forever?”
“Rocket man, blowin up his asteroids up here alone”
WHY NO HOVERTEXT FOR THE HIDDEN COMICS?!!
Next you’ll want hidden comics for the hidden comics that have hovertext! Then you’ll get stuck in an infinite loop and die.