Why do we bother with coffins? Remember how in middle school, your teacher gave you some vague lesson about how the Native Americans used to put seeds inside of fish and then buried that fishseed so it would grow into a beautiful baby tree with all the nutrients and fish it needs? We should have learned from that and started doing it with corpses. As cool as radical evil-angel headstones are, it would be so much more practical to grow a little forest from seeds jammed up in the bodies of the dead. It would solve so many problems, deforestation, children not having enough apples to eat that were grown from their great-grandparents’ brain jellies. When I die, I want someone to shove an avocado bulb up in me so that once a year, maybe on my birthday, my friends and family can have a big guacamole fiesta party and eat the fruits of my chumped-up, dead-as-hell body. That, truly, would be the best way to honor me.