Every Parton January 12, 2015 at 6:00 am
Hot dogs have a reputation for containing MYSTERIOUS INGREDIENTS. But you’ll find that people have no idea where MOST of the things they use daily are made from. So gather around, my many children, because it’s time to meet your meat:
BEEF RIBS – Through years of selective breeding, cows are actually just really large chickens. They are both born from eggs and genetically identical.
BEER – The same way they make honey but instead of bees, spiders.
SMARTPHONES – Smartphones are made entirely out of hog skin. That’s why you shouldn’t get them wet, because it makes the skin all loose and slippery and is like, so gross.
CATS – Cat parts from previous cats are assembled in a lab then brought to life with a bolt of electricity like little Frankenstein’s monsters. That’s why cats are multicolored, skittish, and are oft-described as having nine lives.
TOOTHPASTE – You guessed it, ground up teeth.
There, isn’t the world MORE magical now that you’re more informed?
Where’s the spout for fruit-flavored gelatin?
And don’t forget all the butilated-hydroxi-talumates for extra flavor…