Why is the sound of chewing so annoying? The smacking, biting, and slurping sounds are totally normal, yet pretty much everyone can’t stand them. What’s the evolutionary reason there? Having done absolutely no research, I’m ready to prevent my findings:

It’s because it’s the sound of your guts on the OUTSIDE. All those noises are normal happenings inside of you, but when they are going on outside the body, the reptile part of your brain just can’t handle it. All of your instincts are saying, “Dude! Food gets digested in the stomach! SOMETHING IS GOING TERRIBLY WRONG.” That’s why civilized people swallow their food whole like snakes without chewing, so as to keep the shameful process of digestion hidden away from the decent world.

Or it’s just loud and gross, but I’m not a scientist.