I’m trying to figure out why balloons are so appealing, and I’m certain it’s because they are MAGIC. Who wouldn’t love a pleasant orb that defies everything you’ve ever seen? A balloon is like a little pet that says, “Nope, gravity isn’t for me, I’m just going to float here, if you don’t mind.”

Then, given that, the best part is that we tie strings around them and keep them tethered to the ground with the rest of us. Take that, balloons! Misery loves company and people love dragging down magical things to their level. That’s why when you see a balloon floating away in the distance, you say the bastard “got away.”

Anyway, the fact is we’re burning through our finite helium supply like there’s no tomorrow so enjoy balloons while you can because your grandkids sure won’t.