Ok, even though it’s fundamentally the same principle, here’s the real reason that “fwd:fwd:FWD:re:fwd” is old n’ busted: no validation!

It’s all about the retweets, bro. When you type up a thought, and send it out into outer space (or wherever the internet lives) and some dude you barely know clicks on a button that sends electric shockwaves of golden validation straight to your soul. That’s the stuff man. The STUFF. It’s like favs and retweets exist to quantify the quality of your thoughts, of your very essence. If you’re not changing WHO YOU ARE to match what strangers on the internet want, well, you’re just not doing it right! Why “be yourself” when you can be the version of yourself that’s most tolerable to e-people.

In fact, let’s just cut out the middle man. Someone buy the domain “whoshouldibe.com” and make a social networking site where strangers just tell you exactly how to act and what to do in order to best suit them. Never again will you have to worry about disappointing other people. It would be like having a troubleshooting guide or a video game walkthrough for your OWN LIFE. Just refer to the book, and make it out clean.

Boom. I just solved humanity.