Do you know my favorite sign around airport security? It’s the one that says something along the lines of “Making jokes about bombs will be taken seriously, and will come with severe criminal charges.” That’s right, there are places in the US where jokes are actually illegal.

Someday I’m going to come up with a few one-liners about bombs (“What’s the deal with atom bombs! They sure are a lot bigger than an atom!”)* and then ta-da! I’ll be jailed as a political prisoner. I’ll be a poster child for free speech, complete with a book tour, pundit talk show appearances, and a biopic starring Daniel Day-Lewis. I’ll be a HERO.

I just hope no Awkward Dads beat me to it by saying, “Har har! Did you find my C4 yet?” during a patdown.


*Hey, I didn’t say the joke would be good.