Criticon January 20, 2014 at 6:00 am
A bunch of films just got nominated as Officially Really Good Movies by the Committee of People Who Are Good At Watching Movies. This is all very exciting, and millions of people are going to watch this awards ceremony. Unfortunately, the process is all very subjective and suffers from individual tastes or whose DVD screener came with a free box of Junior Mints.
So this is why we need to instate the TOURNAMENT OF MOVIES. Every year it will be a very scientific process using exact numbers: Who had the most sad parts? BEST PICTURE. Which main character showed the most emotions? BEST ACTOR/ACTRESS. Which movie was the loudest? BEST SOUND DESIGN.
This removes all gray areas and subjectivity from filmmaking (finally!) and has the added benefit of encouraging studios to make BIG LOUD MOVIES that are FULL OF EMOTIONS. Seeing one movie would be like seeing twenty, and you’d be so exhausted you’d only want to watch one a year. Accurate AND affordable!
So… A movie about manic-depressive people who are packed with explosives? Yeah, I’d watch that.
Who decides which parts are sad?
he should try watching with the commentary track to learn the secrets of true filmmaking
i love how much of a dork his friend looks
40 points for Schindler’s List for Sad
The TOURNAMENT OF MOVIES reminds me of Outlaw Vern’s SUPER-KUMITE of fighting tournament movies:
My favourite part of this comic is his sad little face with the directors hat on.
That silly argument always bothered me, giving C&C has nothing to do with one’s ability to surpass or, at all, create anything one has criticized.
It’s like saying that any food critic must be a wonderful chef, being a connoisseur is a practice of its own — one criticizes the standpoint of the consumer, not the creator.
“Let’s see you do better!” is really fucking stupid, and the stupidity in it was conveyed to a certain degree. So, kudos for that. <: