What’s so different about men and women? That’s the same question I asked my grandpa one evening while he was in his study. He paused from his work of pressing dragonflies into old bibles to explain the difference, and I’ll share these Facts of Life with you:

Women and men are essentially the same but have a few minor differences. Men are automatons built on a foundation of pure rationality and are incapable of feeling. Their flesh is composed of a heavy alloy of iron and rhodium, which is why their skin is cold to the touch and their voices can erase cell phones. Women, on the other hand, are ethereal beings made solely of raw emotion. Lacking physical manifestation, they exist in the abstract, which is why they cannot be touched or photographed.

Sure, my grandfather is a little old-fashioned, but it’s hard to say he’s wrong. After all, when was the last time you saw a picture of a woman? And have you ever leaned back against a mailbox, only to realize it was a human male? These are the little things that are so ingrained in our daily lives that we don’t ever stop to think about them.

The natural follow-up to this question was how babies are made, given that the two basic genders exist in different metaphysical planes. He was refreshingly straightforward with me: Babies are ordered from the internet.