Lady and the Trampon September 30, 2013 at 5:00 am
What with censorship laws, public decency, and basic social norms, people disagree on how much physical affection is appropriate in public. It’s about time we ended this silly argument and standardized it: Let’s ban public displays of affection. All of them. No hugging, no hand-holding, no high-fiving. If you want to pat your buddy on the back after scoring a touchdown, you’d better hope that there’s a hotel nearby that rents rooms by the hour. Let rumors spread about how France has billboards that show graphic handshakes. No one is spared; if a proud mother wants to hug her toddler for taking his first steps she’d better do it the privacy of her own home like the sick pervert she is.
Or we crank the PDA dial the other way and see what happens. Odds are it’ll get real sweaty real fast and society as we know it would come to a grinding halt. Either way, we need to figure it out soon because there’s a couple making out in front of me right now in this coffee shop and I need to know if it’s impolite for me to tell them they are doing a really good job. I’m not kidding this is A+ work.
If we ban PDA, then only the gross criminals will have awkward public contact. Clearly, we need to take it a step further.
Giant hamster balls for everyone! (Because it’s mandatory)
Next time someone makes out in front of me, I’m going over the guy and girl and pat their backs and comment on how good their tongue skills are.
Ew! That’s disgusting! Dining in a dark alleyway… yuck.
Mama-mea! That’s a-one a-spicy a-meat-a-balla!
ok, what drove you to this, Wes? Banning all signs of affection? dafuq is wrong with you? The only signs of affection that should be banned is sex in public and kissing around children. At least that’s where I set my limits…
TL;DR? You are overreacting.
um, pretty sure its satire. like “A Modest Proposal”
“A Modest Proposal” is satire?! Uh-oh…
Well you sure live up to your username
yeah yeah, just don’t hate me because I’m humorless sometimes.
Pat them on the back. Tell them they did real good.
She’s really good at giving head.
I always thought a realistic telling of Lady and the Tramp would end with Lady and Tramp entering an alley dog fight over the plate of spaghetti. The cooks would probably take bets. Real nice evening.
Well… she was made out of meat…
Damn. Hoped for a headless corps in secret comics.
Rank upon rank of pumpkin-wielding horsemen.
Ask if you can join in.