Gimmicky 90s Movies for the Tech Ageon July 14, 2009 at 1:00 am
I just came back from a Blockbuster Video from an alternate dimension, where the 1990s movie trends didn’t hit until 15 years later. Here’s the fallout from that dark reality:
A Facebook spambot invades your account, changes your password, and solicits all of your friends! What do you do? If you are Billy Divine (Cuba Gooding Jr.), you keep your promises! The dispassionate and unreachable Facebook support staff refuses to help, so Billy goes out to keep every promise the robot made to his 600 friends! After finally enlarging the penis of an old sailing club teammate and giving a free ipod to a distant cousin, he and his 600 friends storm Facebook headquarters and demand the head of Mark Zuckerberg. Fucking wacky!
Squat and Drop
Vince Petrosi (Jean-Claude Van Damme) runs Poonography.com, a successful online hardcore sex chatting service. But after getting snowed in for a week in a ski lodge, his domain registration expires and it gets scooped up by some cyber-squatters! They ransom his domain, but Petrosi goes on an action-packed quest to northern Russia to get back what’s his! (Alan Rickman plays every character with an accent)
The Spam Man
After upsetting the wrong genie (Dan Aykroyd) by squashing his lamp with a basketball, ordinary accountant Frank (Jim Carrey) gets his life turned on its ear when the vindictive genie makes all of Frank’s spam emails come true! At first he is flooded with free amoxicillin, herbal supplements, and ladies ready to “blowjob him,” but he has a change of heart when he finds out he’s a Nigerian Prince and needs to create a better world for his people.
It’s a frat house full of LOLcats. Bring your kids. They’ll eat that shit up.