Today while walking back from a discussion group about vampirism I saw something that blew my mind and filled me with rage.

I saw a bird.

Eating a worm.

I’ve heard about this phenomenon in books, plays, and rap music, but I’ve never actually seen it happen. What the hell, bird? I glared at him indignantly. Why do you eat that worm? Just because cultural norms dictate that you, as a bird, are highly interested in worms, doesn’t mean that you are obligated to do so. You know what you are, bird? A walking stereotype.

By reinforcing assumptions about the behavior of birds, you are making it even more difficult for your bird brethren to break through the social barriers and make their own destiny. It’s because of you there are no sparrows in college.

Unfortunately, the bird was not receptive. He merely stared at me with a vacant expression that screamed, “This is all I know.”

The worm was also silent.

What's next? A dog chasing a car? Disgusting.

What's next? A dog chasing a car? Disgusting.

I should also point out that this occurred at 1:00 in the afternoon, which means that the old adage is full of shit.