So, a 5.8 earth-shattering earthquake just dropped on Los Angeles, WHICH IS EFFED UP. I am at work right now, and I was all like, “this is so totally the rapture, and I kind of regret a bunch of stuff I did.” Once I realized that things was cool and I wrung the stank urine out of my pants, though, I realized that the only thing I REALLY regret was NOT EATING MORE SANDWICHES. More than anything on the planet, I love sandwiches. Sandwiches, sandwiches, sandwiches. And in short, the lesson I learned today, is that if I am on the verge of death, my last moments will be peaceful, thinking of sandwiches all the while. Also I will fill my pants with stank urine.