Dude, everyone knows you’re high. The guy behind the counter at the deli, the girl walking her dog, everyone. Even the dog knows. In fact, your mom just called to say that she knows you’re high.

And I have bad news. You’re going to feel like this FOREVER. You will never not be high. You won’t be normal again, and everyone is going to know you are high. Forever.

Oh, and that realization you just had is totally true. Yeah, last week when your two friends showed up at the restaurant at the same time, it wasn’t a coincidence, they were hanging out without you. Because they hate you.

You know what you should do? You should text your friends and ask them if they hate you. Then you should call your mom and tell her you aren’t high. Then you should cry because this is forever.

But first, pizza.