Trailerson February 2, 2015 at 6:00 am
The Academy Award nominations are out, so here are my predictions:
Best Movie Without People In It:
Stock footage of fire trucks driving around or parked in driveways. Worth the four hour running time. Vroom vroom!
The Surmountability of Kinship
Shot entirely on GoPro, this follows the story of a man and his estranged sister parachuting into a volcano.
Best Slow Motion of a Man Eating of an Apple
The Apple & The Man
In close competition with “The Man & The Apple”, “The Apple & The Man” benefits from superior casting of a hungrier actor with nicer teeth.
Golden Elephants Exploding for 90 Minutes
This is rarely surprising category because they literally choose the highest number.
Best Unsimulated Onscreen Sex Scene
Anything Online Pornography
Amazing the see the success of films released exclusively digitally. The industry is really changing.
Am I doing it right yet?
Woohoo! they’re back!
“The Apple & The Man” sounds like something made by David Lynch, which means instant classic. I’d buy it, on a thousand blue-rays!
Well, that movie sucked. I’m totally going to see the sequel, but it still sucked.
I’m so tired of reading the comics. It’s always the same things.
First panel: setup, second panel: setup for joke, third panel: joke
Well at least I saved thousands of hours by never having to read the comics again.
The unending cascade of sequels will drive you to madness, abandoning your life and burning your family. This was coincidentally the plot of Every Movie Ever Made 6.
“superior casting of a hungrier actor with nicer teeth.” I lol’d.