Swear words are probably our most precious resource. Like DeBeers and their artificial diamond scarcity, prudes around the world work tirelessly, getting offended day in and day out just to make sure that our beloved swear words carry the right amount of weight.
Just imagine if you woke up tomorrow and there were no more “forbidden” words. Sure, it would be amusing at first. You turn on the television and the president says, “You know what? Fuck congress.” You drive past a billboard that shows a smiling Poppin’ Fresh saying, “Try my new shit!” Even priests in their pulpits would be going on about how, “God gives a flying fuck about each and every one of you.”
But in a world where swear words are okay, there are no swear words. Someone cuts you off and you shout, “Hey! Fuck you!” but it carries as much weight as if you’d shouted, “Why, hello! Good day to you!!” In fact, “Good day to you” used to be offensive! That’s how close we are to losing swear words forever.
So next time someone gets offended when you say “The weather today is fuckin’ tits” in a crowded kindergarten classroom, bask in that wave of indignation because it means that swear words are going strong. Long live shit cock fuck.