Optometriston September 19, 2013 at 5:00 am
I live for that moment where some blonde girl excitedly insists, “Oh- mygosh. I am, *so*, blind without my contacts.” It warms me, I feel it spread through my veins, pulsate in my nerve endings, and sizzle softly in my cerebral cortex. It’s the relief of an addict welcoming a drug back home into his body after far too long without. The girl continues, “I’m, like, a negative three point five.” Three point five! How tragic, she can count her chihuahua’s eyelashes without being in the same room! I smile. My opportunity has arrived, at long last, to revel in my severe disability. I look at her. I hold my hand directly in front of my eye. In slow motion I say, “four inches of clearance. Negative seven point zero. Each eye.” She shrieks, her head explodes. I call her family and tell them, “my eyesight is so bad that your daughter is dead, try not to cry about it.” They cry anyway. How couldn’t they? That’s how bad my eyesight is.
I’m so blind that it makes me believe in wizards. Wizards had to be a thing, right? A few hundred years ago, before corrective lenses were a thing, what possible use would there be for nearsighted chumps like me? Weaving baskets?! I hate baskets! Most of us severely nearsighted folks were probably slaughtered and used for pig fuel. That is, until some fella got a bright idea. What if they invented something to give them the upper hand…? Something like… Magic! Dazzling spells, cryptic runes, and other flashy junk to distract from the fact that they can’t see their own dicks from a standing position. Notice how in Lord of the Rings Gandalf never tries to drive a car or read a scoreboard at baseball game? He’s blind as freakin’ hell!
That’s all I got to say about that. Tony OUT. (drops mic, fuels a pig)
Well played… but it’s time to blow YOUR mind.
-8 on my right eye.
-9.5 left eye.
(please no reference to Destiny’s Child)
*rushes over and kicks that microphone, then runs away, laughing maniacally*
LASIK is totally worth it. I was about as blind as you (7.0/7.5 in right/left, plus astigmatism). I got LASIK two years ago and am now better than 20/20. After 25 years of glasses and contact, it’s so awesome to be able to see without them. Honestly, the best money I’ve ever spent.
Negative seven point five in my left eye. Negative eight point five in my right. I win.
We should date, our babies will win this game ALL the time!
I’m so blind without my glasses I once called my mom “dad”. And my dad is bald.
This is actually a continuation of the comic posted May 23, 2011.
Quick check to archives makes things faster, they say.
Who is they anyways.
I was going to point out that the blood had completely soaked his whole shirt, but then I noticed it was another guy.
Yossarian: Doctor, I see two of everything.
Doctor: Hmm. [Holds up a finger]. How many fingers do you see?
Yossarian: Two. Doctor: [Holds up two fingers]
How many now? Yossarian: Two.
Doctor: By George, he sees two of everything!
You kids are cute. -10.5 left eye, -11 right, plus astigmatism.
Still, I try not to suggest that I’m at all blind. My cousin actually is. No severity of vision problems that are correctable with glasses will compare to ones that aren’t.
Uhhhmm, well I don’t really get this one… maybe it’s because I never been to an optometrist, and never got my eyes checked other than the examinations in school back in the day. Can someone explain?
Eye doctors do this thing where they show you the chart through one pair of corrective lenses (“Okay here’s number one”) and then through another (“okay here’s number two”) and then flip back and forth between them while asking you which lenses allow you to see the chart better (“Number one…. or number two…. number one…. or number two….?”). It’s common enough that the “number one or number two” thing is well-known and expected, so that’s probably the context you’re missing. :”)
My doctor just told me I had “disgustingly good vision” last time. Didn’t even give me a number.
So I’m pretty sure I’m last place. There’s a prize for that too, right?
I looked into LASIK once. The Doctor said, “Your eyes are so bad that we can fix them SOME but you’d still have to wear glasses.” I didn’t see the point of that.
That was two prescriptions ago…
When did they change vision numbers from, say 20/20 and 20/800 (my mother’s) to little numbers like that? Since I learned the old way, the new makes no sense to me… and I worked at Lens Crafters in the lab Crafting glasses… in about an hour.
As I understand it, using 20/20, 20/40, etc works well enough for low prescriptions, but for eyesight that is worse, it’s less helpful. It’s like saying you have 20/8500, etc.
It’s a trick question; there is only one digit!
-7.5 each eye.
I also have fun blowing people’s minds who say their vision is “terrible.”
To all of you reporting worse: I cringe at the thought of what your lenses cost in comparison to mine. I hate all of the sales for glasses that simply don’t include high/super high/ultra index lenses.
I’m worse than 9 in both eyes, have been since starting grade school. I’ve got stories…
Anyway, for those of us whose eyes are too bad for Lasik, there’s a newish option called PIOL (Phakic Intraocular Lens). It’s like the lenses used for replacement of the natural lens for cataracts, but they leave the original lens and add a corrective one. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intraocular_lens
I’m an eye doctor. I think the largest Rx I have ever seen was a -26.50 in both eyes. He was in hard contacts because they don’t make soft contacts that strong. In a normal day, I see at least one Rx above a -6.00. It does make me chuckle though every time someone comes in telling me they are “blind” and they have an Rx below -2.00.
Oh yeah got y’all beat. -14 in left, -13.5 in right and stigmatisms in both eyes.. Sadly I need to go to the doc again.. 🙁
I actually did something like this once–I tried to read the lines of the big E separately.