Hey Americans! What did you do on the Fourth of July!

Did you punish yourself with fun? Did you cram as much fun into your body as you thought you possibly could, and then cram some more? Did you stretch and warp the limits of your body by jamming in so much fun inside your self that you thought you might snap like an elastic band, erupting in a shower of fluid and fun onto all of your equally fun-filled friends, compromising their strained exteriors, setting them off in a disgusting chain reaction that causes every single man, woman, and child to pop like horrendously overfilled fun-balloons?

Yeah? Well. That’s awfully selfish of you. Next time you have fun, remember that it could end up costing the lives of everyone on the planet. Ok? Ok.