Getting smashed in the head is basically the raddest excuse to do anything you’ve ever wanted to do!! Including, but not limited to:

   • Face tattoos. A big ol’ Mike Tyson face tattoo. No, not the tattoo Mike Tyson has on his face, I mean a tattoo of Mike Tyson’s face on your face.

   • Kissing all your male friends’ girlfriends… on the mouth!

   • Kissing all of your male friends… on the mouth! (the boys need love too, ladies!)

   • Eating avocados, which you wrote off as “tasting like baby feces” some years ago and have been wanting to give a second chance ever since!

   • Lite cannibalism. You won’t kill a dude and eat him, but you’ll make a Craigslist post looking for a guy who wants to have one of his fingers eaten and then be kind of put off by how many replies from volunteers you get.

   • Be a “dog person.”

   • Be a dog who is a person.

   • Put a purse on a dog.

   • Feed a porpoise a hotdog.

No one can blame you for anything you do after almost dying! It’s like not being able to speak ill of the dead, but DOUBLE because you’re still alive. So, I guess this is my official endorsement of trying to get serious, life-threatening head injuries! There is no conceivable downside! Not a single one!