Are you ready for some real deal bragging? Yeah?! Then here we go! I’ve never had a cavity! How does that make you feel? As a matter of fact, I don’t even do a particularly good job of taking care of my teeth. It’s not that I don’t like flossing, I just tend to forget. Come to think of it, I actually really like flossing! Get that gunk out, make your gums bleed, feel like you’re getting stronger! What’s not to like?

When I was little I tried this door trick with a loose tooth, and I’ll tell ya, get it right on the first try or don’t try it at all. Sheesh. What a strange thing, losing your baby teeth. It’s horrible! Worse than puberty. A little bit of hair popping up in funny places and a couple of zits ain’t got nothing on the Cronenbergian body-horror of bloody bones falling out of your face. That’s when you really grow up. Losing part of yourself. And for the rest of your life, you’ll have stress nightmares about losing your teeth. I’d rather go through puberty one hundred more times than have to even THINK about teeth ever again!

Okay, happy Wednesday everyone, byyyye!