Wes and Tony are Real People!!
on April 8, 2009 at 3:40 pmDid you know that?
Yes, the truth is that AmazingSuperPowers.com is run by actual human people beings. While it initially might seem likely that the site exists out of simple chance within the glut of infinite possibility that is the internet, it simply isn’t the case. The site has creators! Who created the site deliberately!
Let me tell you some facts about the site creators, Wes and Tony:
FACT: Wes and Tony have a combined age of 121 years.
FACT: One of the two is an infant.
FACT: One of the two wears diapers.
FACT: But both of them should.
FACT: AmazingSuperPowers.com was begrudgingly created to satisfy a stipulation of a federal court ruling against Wes and Tony.
FACT: They either had to create a website or perform 2,000 hours of community service.
FACT: The charge against them was treason.
FACT: 2,000 hours community service ain’t bad for treason.
FACT: Wes once found a Chinese Fortune Cookie that has his entire life (past, present, and future) written on it.
FACT: Things don’t end well for Wes.
FACT: But the Chow Mein was delicious.
FACT: Wes and Tony frequently arm wrestle.
FACT: Tony’s arm wears a luchador mask.
FACT: Wes’ arm looks like this.
FACT: Tony’s favorite seasoning for french fries is itching powder.
FACT: Wes and Tony once went on tour with Bruce “the Boss” Springsteen.
FACT: Their position in the band was, “Those two assholes who keep following us around and don’t leave the Boss alone.”
FACT: Wes and Tony didn’t leave “the Boss” alone until he told them they were “fired.”
FACT: You cannot collect unemployment from the federal government if “fired” by Bruce Springsteen.
FACT: Tony is illiterate and has scabies.
FACT: Wes is a simple farmer from rural Portugal, charged with the task of finding and killing his shadow self before he is killed in turn.
FACT: Now you know everything there is to know about Wes and Tony.
😐
are there any true FACTS in the whole thing or are they the same kind of “facts” fox news reports on?
Fact: Tony and Wes eat diarrhea in the morning because they think it tastes like oatmeal.
I tried following the Boss around too. Turns out it was Tony Danza. I guess we finally answered that question.
Carlos:
Self renewing food supply, what’s not to like?
You forgot the part where tony escaped from prison while being a Mexican gangster
OH MY GOD THEY ARE REAL!!!!
I CAN’T THE FACTS!!!!
*puts gun to mouth*
Itching powder on french fries? I am intrigued.
…and itchy.
FACT: Wes was stabbed multiple times with a Nintendo 64 controller for “cheating”.
FACT: Tony was incarcerated briefly under the juvenile delinquent act.
Obviously, this is all an elaborate plot, either conducted by the government or some sort of intelligent alien species.
>.>
<.<
If you want the true facts, you have to only read every fifth word of the list.
I FOUND OUT THINGSABOUT MYSELF THAT I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW
I actually took every fifth word from the list. Here it is:
A years is the both AmazingSuperPowers.com satisfy federal and to perform service was service Wes Fortune entire future don’t but delicious arm a looks seasoning itching once Bruce their was keep and alone leave he fired from fired is Wes from the killing he now is and
Make any more sense?
FACT: Tony had amnesia and his memory never returned.
FACT: Wes feels remorse for hitting someone on the head with a croquet mallet.
is Wes from the killing? he now is.
Damn it, Wesbot and Tonybot are becoming self aware.
*bows to delicious itchy arms, gun still to mouth*
I just knew someone would come along and do that, and save me the trouble.
Now you know the truth.