Went to the Portand Zoo last week. As far as zoos go, it is one of the less depressing ones, with the exception of the really outraged African animals that angrily fester in their heated trees as the ambient temperature drops. It’s not as intense as the Berlin zoo, where they drop a cow into the lion cage à la Jurassic Park while parents look in horror and kids think it’s awesome. So here are some highlights. I don’t have any pictures of monkeys, because they don’t require too much imagination:

Steps to be a monkey:
1) Pick something that you do in private
2) Do it in public
3) Be covered in hair

On to the photographic evidence!

This is vaguely similar to the first 13 years of my life.

This is vaguely similar to the first 13 years of my life.

NO, DON’T GO IN THERE

NO, DON’T GO IN THERE

This is also the tagline of my favorite adult site.

This is also the tagline of my favorite adult site.

Fuck everything; here’s a cute sleeping otter.

Fuck everything; here’s a cute sleeping otter.