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This Makes Me Sick


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Today while walking back from a discussion group about vampirism I saw something that blew my mind and filled me with rage.

I saw a bird.

Eating a worm.

I’ve heard about this phenomenon in books, plays, and rap music, but I’ve never actually seen it happen. What the hell, bird? I glared at him indignantly. Why do you eat that worm? Just because cultural norms dictate that you, as a bird, are highly interested in worms, doesn’t mean that you are obligated to do so. You know what you are, bird? A walking stereotype.

By reinforcing assumptions about the behavior of birds, you are making it even more difficult for your bird brethren to break through the social barriers and make their own destiny. It’s because of you there are no sparrows in college.

Unfortunately, the bird was not receptive. He merely stared at me with a vacant expression that screamed, “This is all I know.”

The worm was also silent.

What's next? A dog chasing a car? Disgusting.

What's next? A dog chasing a car? Disgusting.

I should also point out that this occurred at 1:00 in the afternoon, which means that the old adage is full of shit.

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17 Responses to “This Makes Me Sick”

  1. DeadMcMahon says:

    The moral here is that worms should never oversleep or they will end up disgusting webcomic authors.

  2. AwkwardInterrupter says:

    Birds are smarter than you’d think. They stock up on worms so as to crap on your car. Kind of a big “Screw You” to society.

    My point is: Bird’s are communists.

  3. GrammarNazi says:

    THERE IS NO SUCH WORD AS OBLIGATED!!! It’s OBLIGED! The bird was obliged to fulfil its obligation. there is already a word for this, and it isn’t obligated!!!

    Otherwise, jolly good show.

  4. Wes says:

    GrammarNazi:

    http://www.bartleby.com/68/87/4187.html

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obligated#Other_uses (specific use for biology)

    Blame the American bastardization of the English language.Thanks for the concern, though, I try to write good and be a well speaker.

  5. ASP SPAMBOT says:

    NEED MORE OBLIGATIONS NOW? CLICK CLICK NOW FOR DISCOUNTS ON BLIND/DEAF CHILDREN AND OTHER OVERWHELMING RESPONSIBILITIES. YOU WILL BE OBLIGED TO OBLIGATE WHILE YOU TEACH YOUR BABY GIRL TO READ BRAILLE BY TAPPING HER HEAD IN MORSE CODE. CLICK CLICK NOW CLICK NOW

  6. Samantha says:

    Well damnit SOMEONE has to conform. Otherwise all those non-conformists heads will explode due to lack of things not to conform to. What then!? Chaos! That’s what. See what kind of terrible world you are trying to create!?

  7. Thor says:

    Not all bird’s are like this, once I hired a bird as a lawyer, I lost the case and had to pay a fine and do 80 community service, BTW I was the plaintiff, so he was a pretty shit lawyer.

  8. Undiesclawfoot says:

    Sorry to be picky but:
    1) “bird brethren” should read “bird featheren”
    2) “social barriers” should read “social harriers”
    3) “sparrows in college” should read, um… “emu”

    probably

  9. xy says:

    i am obligated to tell you that i enjoy this particular observation. i am also obligated to be obligated. i am not, however, obliged to be obligated. i am, at times, obligated to be obliged, but not usually.

    that is all.

  10. Tony says:

    WAHT

  11. MICHAELDTY says:

    Is obligatory a word? If it is, that would be obligeriffic!

  12. [...] This Makes Me Sick | ASP Badass Diary from Hell January 21, 2009 — Matt This Makes Me Sick | ASP Badass Diary from Hell. [...]

  13. GrammarNazi says:

    Obligatory is a word; obliged is a word. It would appear obligated is an adjective in biology meaning “Able to exist or survive only in a particular environment or by assuming a particular role”. Obligate as a verb (To obligate him) is a backformation from obligatory, originally by poorly educated people who didn’t realise it was related to ‘obliged’–then it filtered into everyday American speech. The OED records its first usage in 1533, and it’s notable that it’s use mainly by a) people who spelled wackily all the time anyway and lived hundreds of years ago and b) Americans.

    I maintain that since the language’s name (English) comes from England, and not America, our version of it is the default, the least adulterated, and the most superior. Central–>Centre, not Centeral–>centre. And so on.

    But that’s just me being an imperialist snob.

  14. Wes says:

    In that case you’ll love the theme of our next comic, “Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages.”

  15. You're an idiot says:

    Obligated is a word. Deal with it.

    And brush your godsdamned teeth.

  16. lolcat says:

    I am obligated to tell everyone, in accordance with Megan’s Law…

  17. the great reveal says:

    what seems to have been forgotten is that birds regard 1:15 pm (13:15) as international “Worm Time”, “WT”, or “Wime”. i feel you should be ashamed that you discredited the adage because it is obviously not disproved, but clearly reinforced. the bird is a total dick though.

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