Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 35

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 43

Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 35

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 43

Holidays Are a Dish Best Served Cold


Warning: strtotime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 113

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /var/www/html/wp-includes/link-template.php on line 138

Right now I’m living in Portland and we are getting a copious amount of snow. It mostly chooses to attack at night, much like other unsavory things such as vampires, wolves, and fraternities.  Snow is falling from the sky and hiding our cars.  It is covering our roadways with ice and selling cocaine to our children, or at least getting them accustomed to frequently hearing the word “snow.”

nomorecar
That’s a 1996 Honda Lump.

There is the common myth that the Inuit people have dozens of words for snow. It is also true here, but 90% of them are swear words. The other 10% are racial slurs and unpopular dictators.

Anyway, in between the twelve inches of Hitler falling from the sky, we did a Christmas comic. Our apologies if you don’t celebrate Christmas. If you want to simulate the Christmas Experience® to determine whether or not it’s for you, nail your sock to a wall then sprinkle tinfoil all over the dead tree that you dragged into your living room. Happy Holidays!

Meanwhile, I’ll be here, battling through this cold white oppression. If you are from a place like New York or Moscow and this is common for you, at least your infrastructure is prepared for this. The only human contact I have right now are the two snowmen I built near my backdoor. They are terrible conversationalists. Also, they are bigots.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • Reddit
  • del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • Furl
  • Google Bookmarks
  • E-mail this story to a friend!

8 Responses to “Holidays Are a Dish Best Served Cold”

  1. abitdark says:

    I took three years of snow in high school….. It was like trying to learn Korean from a 7 year old cambodian… Our teacher was a bigot also, and wouldn’t stop melting. I sure did love the ten minute classes though.

  2. Jason says:

    I live in Vancouver, WA (the better state imo, but let’s not get into that) and I’m in agreeance. This weather is horrendous, luckily it’s started melting, which means slush all over the place. But, our plows are finally catching up, so driving is becoming possible again, which is nice.

  3. Wes says:

    Yeah, I like being able to eat, too. Or at least eating something besides the occasional wayward squirrel or mailman.

  4. ben says:

    he he, just got out of portland for the holidays on the amtrak the first sunday that the snow hit the fan.
    also @jason in my opinion vancouver is a suburb, not unlike beaverton.

  5. Laura says:

    I am in san diego where there is no snow!!!! NEENER NEENER NEENER nanananaaaa

    I just made myself sad :(

  6. Jim says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Instrumental_Temperature_Record.png

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Global_Warming_Map.jpg

    GOOD NEWS!

  7. Vladamir says:

    You are very funny man. In Russia we have more snow than your George Bush.

  8. Ely says:

    We get snow…and ice storms and all those people who bought digital phone service and can’t call for help…maybe see why the first phones weren’t so bad…

Leave a Reply