Roachon June 26, 2014 at 6:00 am
Humans are at a war with nature. We build walled castles to keep all the monsters out, so in response nature sends her grossest, nastiest beasts to squirm into our fortresses. Sure, pigeons and roaches could have been as pretty as parrots and butterflies, but we don’t deserve that. In a big city we’re stuck with critters as gross and gray as the concrete we used to build it.
The only way to fight nature is with nature, so that’s why you get a cat. Did you know that the leading evolutionary theory is that cats domesticated themselves? A billion years ago some feral cats found a human settlement and decided, “Hey, if we appear harmless and bring them a dead mouse every now and then they’ll feed and protect us.” That’s also why your cat might kill a bug one day then couldn’t give less of a shit about another bug the next day. Once their quota has been filled they’re off the clock and back to making us scoop their shit.
Basically what I’m saying is that nature tricked us and snuck in yet another gross, nasty beast by wrapping it in a cute fursuit. It’s time to admit we’ll never win this war. There’s gonna be roaches on spaceships.
There will be roaches, but not for what you think.
Roaches, the new space food.
Think the idea will catch on? Well, the idea has legs. Yeah, six of them.
Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly when you think about it), it’s actually a stoner mag.
At least the roaches on the spaceships will wear adorable little jetpacks.
Dear Roach Enthusiast Forum,
I never thought these letters were real, until it happened to me.
I’m a student at a small midwestern college. Until I came here I had lived in my parents’ suburban home that was serviced by an exterminator once a month for as long as I remember. I had never seen a roach in my life.
Then one night I was minding my own business studying for a test when I saw it: the first roach I’d ever seen in my life. It was big. I’d heard they were, but this one was bigger than I expected.
I was a bit scared, and wasn’t sure I could handle it, but I tentatively reached out to touch it…
There are eight million stories in the big city, most of them dull and somewhat repetitive.
I think pigeons are quite dapper, thank you very much!
Is this the first time we’ve had a Black female character in the comic? Even if she has no name and no lines and is only in a single panel, it’s still a first. WOOOO!!!
Hey, wait, I thought this comic took place in the 90’s? What’s that guy doing with a cell phone?
Also I’m fat.
Is that guy Jon, Garfield’s human?
That woman has scarily small feet.