Realon May 1, 2014 at 1:00 pm
Santa Claus has the perfect cover. His mythos states clearly exactly where he lives, what he does, and how he behaves. But the real kicker is that he “isn’t real.” Imagine all the sick shit you’d get away with if no one believed you existed! You’d run around doing crime like a regular Crime Guy! Because the only thing stopping you from tearing people apart limb from limb is a little thing called “laws.”
Santa doesn’t have time for laws! He wipes his ass with the Ten Commandments! And those things are written in stone, so Santa and his butt must be a couple of tough dudes! Santa Claus could run up to you and poke your eyeballs straight out of your head all Three Stooges But For Real style, then kick your nads off and steal your wallet, and when you told the cops they’d be all like “Aaaactually, Santa Claus as we know him was invented by the Coca Cola Corporation in-” and they you’d probably die from missing all of your balls!
So if you ever want to be a crime guy, there’s yer huckleberry: just be an immortal, present giving goody two shoes that no one actually believes is real. That’s my tip to you.
More like Santa Claws. Haha!… am I ryt people? hehe… anyone?… I’ll let myself out…
And from the great Nightmare Before Christmas
Kidnap(ped by) the Sandy Claws, lock him up real tight
Throw away the key and then
Turn off all the lights
I have to admit, I really laughed this time. This comic reminds me of the older comics you guys did that were mindfucking hilarious and borderline illegal.
The part that disturbs me is how you’re making a Santa Claus comic in May.
oh my, santa claus, what big teeth you have
“I’ve gotten a present for you. A SWIFT DEATH!”
Well, St Nicholas was the patron saint of Children, Merchants, Pawnbrokers and THIEVES. (It makes sense, really. I mean, he does break into your house, and everybody else’s on earth, once a year. He never gets caught. Sure, he has the whole “stealing” thing completely reversed, but he still has all the mad thief skills.)
What a load of complete bollocks. It’s more than just laws stopping us all from running around tearing people apart limb from limb.
In my case it’s also lack of upper body strength.