Those of you interested in electronic entertainment squares might already know this, but thereā€™s a video game console war going on! In one corner thereā€™s Microsoft and they want you to buy the Xbox One, which is a pristine graphite sphere that vibrates endlessly and whose sole output produces spiders. Then thereā€™s Sony pushing their PlayStation 4, which is known for floating one foot off the ground and turning into a black hole when you whisper its True Name. And finally Nintendoā€™s Wii U, whose primary selling points are its controller (the howling skull of a dead king) and Mario Kart.

So choose wisely! If you get the wrong one youā€™ll feel awfully silly.