ORBITAL DEATHRAY KICKSTARTERon May 20, 2013 at 7:00 am
Kickstarter has revolutionized the way in which ambitious creators get their projects off the ground. Now, you can help us get our idea off the ground and into space, for the best (and last) Kickstarter of all time. Help crowdfunding make crowddestroying a reality!
Q: So after the Earth blows up, what about you guys?
A: If all goes according to plan, the immense amount of energy channeled through the doomsday laser will also vaporize the station itself. What a bonus!
Q: But isn’t suicide wrong?
A: Agreed! But the worst thing about it is the grief it causes for those left behind. Sooo…!
Q: Why don’t you pay for this yourselves?
A: Sure, as syndicated TV stars and independent industrialists our combined net worth is well over $600 billion, but we’d rather not absorb all the risk of building a giant-space laser entirely by ourselves.
Q: So wait, is this a Death Star™?
A: No, the Death Star™ is a fictional weapon in some other universe, far, far away. We are talking about a very real tool built for the express purpose of destroying the planet Earth. The Death Star™ was a failure because it only destroyed one planet; if we destroy one planet, it’s a huge success!
Q: But wait! I don’t want to be blown up by a space laser!
A: Don’t be silly. No matter what you’re going to die someday, so it might as well be along with everyone else. Also that wasn’t a question.
A: Thanks for the questions, everyone!
Monroeville Music Center
and Patrick Lee
under the Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike License
Awwww yeah, this is finally the time for me to BE SOMEONE!
Awwwww, you guys <3
Put me down for 2.
Where’s the link to the kickstarter page? I totally wanna see this happen 😀
Why are you not wearing pants in the hidden page!?
They don’t wear pants most of the time in the video, too.
Good thing this wasn’t posted 50 days ago… otherwise people wouldn’t have taken you seriously!
Best of luck with the campaign, you have my full support on your plan to take over the world!
– Anonymouse (not The Brain)
I’m in… “the checks in the mail.”
Shut up and take my money!
I’ll pledge, but only if we can aim the death-ray at Malta. FUCK MALTA.
I love you guys, I seriously do.
Just out of curiosity. Did you guys design the models of the “feed us” flash games?
Well, at least it’s more trustworthy than half the real stuff on kickstarter. If I pledge 200 billion could I get the laser to be purple?
I think that’s the $1.5 Trillion stretch goal. Pledge more!
How much would it cost to have two lasers hit the Earth from opposite directions and meet in the planet’s core?
No tote bag? PBS gave me a tote bag.
I’m concerned how this laser will effect the delicate ecosystem. Will you be using recycled materials to help build it? Is it safe for the ozone?
This is madness! I could swear I saw Pac-Man with a laser gun… Madness I say!!
Oh, come on guys. Everyone knows that you can’t make a Kickstarter video if you don’t set it to “The Winner Is” by DeVotchKa.
Well since we’re all going to die anyway, lets make a huge angry mob, and steal all of the worlds money to fund this.
If all of us got a job on Wall Street, I’m pretty sure that would put us over the top in no time at all…
An angry mob of wet cockroaches??? I think we should have a Kickstarter for that!!!
I don’t think a moon or space based death ray would be big enough. What you want to do is make a electromagnetic solar siphon to pull as much plasma from the surface as you can, like an artificial solar flare. It would have to be a lot bigger than the one I use to power my secret space base. Mine would only be capable of flash frying a city at a time at full capacity.
The Kickstarter to end all Kickstarters.
Well, I was kind of going to take over the world, but your idea seems much more feasible. So I’ll send all my world conquest savings to you.
this video is pure genious
At first I was afraid ou guys had joined the kickstarter bandwagon.
Then, seeing the video I realized I wish you had.
I wish you had.
This might not be the right place, but does this look infected?
I was just joking about destroying humanity today.
Seriously, let’s be the generation that blows up the moon or something. I want future generations to look up in the sky and say “Those 2000ers were some crazy motherfuckers.”
I’m starting to question your mental integrity. Or at least more than I did previously.
So, are you a velociraptor who is Jesus, or the son of the velociraptors God?
This. Is. Sparta… I mean… awesome!
Can’t we just finance this?
the link directs to a different website. fix pls, cant donate.
Glorious rapture is at hand, people! GATHER UNDER THE CULT OF THE DEATH LASER! All hail our divine laser-y lord!
And nothing of value was lost
I’d donate, but I don’t want a blue laser.
Oh no, I know this game. You’re just going to take our money, cut corners, and wind up with a shabby laser that’ll just tan us.
tell you what. build a prototype that can at least take out a vampire, and I’ll donate.
I would like to back this as a serious backer so why can I not pledge to earth destroying laser, its better than suicide and mass murder.
I like th idea I rally do, but you guys dont sem trustworthy enough to pull it off….didnt you see the kickstarter behind the scenes videos where they go to get professional makeup done?