Trouble A-Foot! (Punnnn!!)

by Tony on March 5, 2009 at 11:39 am

So, yeah, okay! Here’s a story for all you people who love miserable things!

The other day (SUNDAY, to be precise) I decided to shower. Finally! I was doin’ my thing, gettin’ my body all clean up and smellin’ good when I noticed, from my foot, a rather heavy flow! Of blood! D:

So I guess here’s the thing: my shower drain? Is effectively a cheese grater? And if you’d ever like the tip of one of your toes sheared off, let’s talk! I can give you advice!

So, I have to wash off all of my Burt’s Bees bodywash foam (WHICH IS TOTALLY MASCULINE, DON’T MESS) from my torso before I could address the fact that my pinky toe on my left foot was significantly lighter than it used to be. Once I finished up and got my Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Oil Facewash out of my eyes (WHICH IS TOTALLY MASCULINE, DON’T MESS), I was able to address the problem.

By address, the problem, I mean I stuffed the hole in my toe full of toilet paper and tied it off with dental floss, as I was very late for work. I zoomed off in my Mazda (WHICH IS TOTALLY MASCULINE, DON’T MESS) in the hopes that we had a medical kit at our office, which luckily we did!

I called up Wes on the road, so, you know, I could be distracted while driving as I was spraying blood out of my foot like a plastic bag with a hole poked in it. He used his med-school wits to give me a battle plan to fight off my imminent death; he told me to go to an actual doctor. NO WAY! $$$ ?!!

So, plan b! It involved holding a lot of pressure, lots of alcohol swabs, antibiotic ointment, and gauze! And days later, it has worked well! My wound is healthy, perky and fun! And nothing’s coming out of it except brand new skin!

SO the moral of the story: I regret nothing.

A footwound is kind of like a pet!
If you take care of it and tend to it regularly, it will be happy and the two of you will have a lot of fun. If you don’t! Well…!!

So what is a foot wound but a permanently disfiguring Tamagotchi!